"I Like You, Mommy"

June 29th, 2014
Sometimes, there are things in my heart that I want to share with the world, but then there are really no words it seems for the deepness of it. I take a picture of the moment that just happened in my mind, hoping to remember it- the emotion, the smells, the words, the place.  
How do you communicate to another about that moment in time that a little 4 year old girl found safety emotionally. The moment when time stood still and I knew I should be still and let it happen. 
There we were, she had been "tucking" me in for a nap as I lay on the couch. Over and over, she tirelessly put the heavy blanket on me even though it kept falling down when she tried to get under it and lay in my arms. "Here mommy, lay here, fold your arms, ok, go to sleep, here's a blanket, I get beside you." Then she whispers, "I like you mommy, I really like you."  She would cuddle for a few minutes, burying her head into my chest, snuggling as if she weren't close enough already, implying that she just needed to nestle deeper. ( I've been here in this moment before on another continent. I know what is happening, My son did the same thing after he was put in my arms in Africa. Its a knowing that the hole in their hearts has suddenly started to fill. Connection is happening. Their starving spirits are finally being fed with true love. ) A little later after the 15th tuck in, I tell her, "My nap is over, I have to cook dinner". She obliges, because eating is one of her favorite things to do but as I sit up she scoots over to my lap facing me. I instinctively stop. She puts her face on mine, eye to eye, nose to nose. I don't move, letting her take the lead. We sit there, breathing each other's breathe. Then she kisses me, saying, "I love you mommy, I love you." In these moments, I know a wound is being healed in her. I feel Jesus in me. I ponder the deep, unexplainable things that only supernatural love brings into this world. It's mysterious. It's amazing to see. I am in awe.

Roller Coasters- Emotional Ones!

Life as an adoptive parent of 10 can be a daily emotional roller coaster of sorts. One moment you are laughing and giggling enjoying seeing your child's "first " of something, then the next you are confronting in love a lie, a mindset that another child is believing about their life. In another you are facing the demonic activity of fear, hoping that they comprehend you, can hear you when you try to help kill that fear through love. In another they've lost hope somewhere along the way believing that they are still a survivor,have to make it alone and can't move forward from that to live life abundantly. Then you get a glimpse again of hope, or joy or peace through the actions or demeanor of another. 

Violetti's first time to the Movie Theatre

Through the good and bad stresses of nurturing wounded ones brought into your care, you lay exhausted, wondering if you really are making a difference. Feeling that unconditional love is really easier spoken than done. Wondering if ever at all that the invisible wall that they've thrown up around them for protection will crumble. Feeling elated and successful when a once broken child throws their arms around you and exclaims, I love you, mommy! Or another offers you a massage because you look tired, or another accomplishes a feat, never thought to have been possible for them.. 

Violetti's first time to experience snow

Isaiah loves his mama!

We made Olaf the snowman from FROZEN but our mistake was building him in a direct sun ray.  He melted rather quickly and fell over. He did say he loves heat! 

I don't like roller coasters that much. The ride uphill is sooooo slow and boring, mundane. The crest of it is quiet scary and the drop, nauseating. The turns and twists and upside downs, jerk you and bang you. You scream then laugh, then scream again, wishing it was over. You have no control over the range of emotion you feel in a very short period of time. But, i guess I've chosen to ride this roller coaster in life if it means my child gets a taste of truth and love that one day will lead them to an abundant life. Why am I sharing this? I don't know. In the quiet of the night after a day of multiple emotional roller coaster rides. I just wanted to tell somebody. I don't really like roller coasters that much, but I keep riding them.

The look after a roller coaster ride or a trip to Target for Christmas Presents.