Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Flat tires, The Mall, a Marriage Conference, and a wreck!

Duane and I at the marriage conference

Well, I am finally escaping to the mall not to shop but to get away for an hour or two. I need some quite so I can think a while and complete a full sentence with no interruptions. So why the mall? Well, Duane's car had a flat tire and I offered to take it to the mall to Sears then go down to the coffee shop that has wireless, get myself a coffee/white chocolate ice cream cup and chill out. Since the girls LOVE the mall and I really don't (so therefore I don't go there very often), I offered to take them based on two things. 1. I don't hang out shopping with them and 2. They don't know me if they see me. (unless there is an emergency). Well, Seora found me 3 times and felt the need to tell me every little thing she was doing. I explained again and told her that I loved her but right now I really needed some space. So, she smiled and said okay and walked off. I saw Maggie out of the corner of my eye but she ignored me completely. Good girl.
So I said all of that to tell you that here I am at the mall writing because writing is an outlet to get all of this stuff out of me, to write down our history and share with others that life sometimes stinks and I have to get a way from it all and my bathroom is not good enough.
While here at the mall, a dear friend who is older and much wiser than I ran into me and just sat down with me for a few minutes and let me be transparent with him, let me spill my guts. Then offered me spiritual advice and encouragement. Thanks M. for the edification. Sometimes a spiritual dad is needed to give you a lift and make you refreshed. I gotta be honest here. Sometimes I do get weary in well doing. I need friends to lift me up. Last night God sent some other friends to do the same and I am so blessed to have them all in my life.
So here I am blogging after a long several days of not doing it.
I will go back to the first week of Feb. if that is ok. That is where the marriage conference as seen in this blog title comes in.
Duane and I , along with several other friends went to Birmingham for a marriage conference around the first week of Feb. Well, this guy Dan Allendar (sp?) was incredible. Never in my life had I heard Marriage defined or discussed in this way. God really spoke to both of us and what we thought was a pretty good marriage was shredded to be not as good as God intended it to be. This conference started some interesting conversations among us couples as well as pushing Duane and I to expose hidden things and to tear down superficial walls we had built between us. This WAS NOT your average marriage conference! The week after the conference was hard! This week has been hard. It was not fun! But the hard, not fun stuff is bringing us together and it is almost like we are dating again and discovering things about each other all over again. If you are interested you can check out the website here.
Intimate Mystery is the conference and the title of his book. Though I haven't checked it out yet and am basing this on what a friend said, he has a book called The Wounded Heart that can help parents deal with issues of sexual abuse that their kids may have suffered. My plan is to check it out.
Well, I guess I better run and pickup my car, it is ready....

As you can see I really didn't get much done in the mall either as far as blogging but I did buy me 3 pairs of pants and a shirt on clearance as well as the boys some dress shoes, but it was a change of pace and therefore did me good.
So, I saved this to draft because my allowed time in the coffee cafe was over and I hadn't uploaded the photo I wanted to . Well, after I located the girls, we went and picked up my car and headed home. As usual, I went to the stop sign to pull out to the road. We sat there for sometime because traffic was heavy. Finally it cleared and the 5 cars coming towards me had their blinkers on to turn into the mall and had practically stopped. I ventured out and out of nowhere appeared a car coming pretty fast towards me. I had to either stop or speed up. I stopped because logically he should swerve around me to the right and miss me. He started to do that then changed his mind and swerved to the left then back to the right and to the left at the last minute and hit my car on the passenger door behind the driver. UGh!
I AM THANKFUL that he hit me behind the driver seat. Had he hit me where he should have I would have been more injured. I AM THANKFUL that Maggie was on the other side of the car or she would have been hurt more. I AM THANKFUL that I was able to drive the car home. I AM THANKFUL that I was driving Duane's Durango instead of my 15 passenger van. It will be easier to fix than the van would have been. It could have been a lot worse. I didn't think we had gotten hurt but then after the initial shock and sitting there. my neck and and collar bone started hurting pretty good. I must have also jammed my knee because it is hurting. Maggie jammed her finger but is doing ok. We are pretty scared and shook up but are fine and we are THANKFUL for God's protection.
Now this wreck was the icing on the cake after several days of me feeling overwhelmed emotionally and mentally and it took all I could to not burst into tears right there on the spot. While waiting on the officer, I looked at the girls and asked them to pray for me, because I was really fighting not to cry. I came home and went to my room and cried my heart out. It was a good cleansing cry. Then I cried more later. I think the crying had a lot to do with other things and not just the wreck but I am feeling much better now and know it is going to be ok.

Life is not easy some days, but we go on knowing our Heavenly Father is there with us. I know I have brought this up before but the words of Twila Paris' song, "The Warrior is a Child" came to my mind yesterday while having my multiple crying spells. This is definitely how I have felt over the past several weeks. I appear strong, but I am weak and I need to rest in my DADDY'S ARMS.
"Lately I've been winning battles
left and right
But even winners can get wounded
in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running
home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up
when no one is around
I drop my sword and
cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor
is the best
But even soldiers need a
quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't
see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running
home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up
when no one is around
I drop my sword and and cry
for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

They don't know that I go running
home when I fall down
They don't know who picks
me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up
for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child"


Janet said...

Sometimes you just need a really good cry! I am SO thankful that you are all okay!

Melissa said...

Melissa...I am so thankful you are all okay. Although we are dealing with two very different situations...they are producing similar things. I miss my dad terribly and my mom is just not doing well at all. Everything feels so out of control...there doesn't seem to be any answers, just waiting on the Lord to bring families together. It hurts, it's hard. I cry and cry, and there Jesus meets me. He tells me He loves me...that He loves my mom. That He will be here to pick me up. It is so wonderful to know the God of all creation has us in His hands.
Love ya and praying for you.


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