I am hooking up with Red Letters Campaign to promote awareness through my blog for orphans and adoption. So occasionally you will see me post an answer to an adoption question here on my blog.
This week's question caught my attention because of the things we have been through with our 2 daughters who were adopted from Romania at ages 9 and 10. t The answer is very long and I probably could write a book but I have tried to shorten it for blogging purposes. I felt that now was the time to share our story in some detail so parents going through this would know that someone understands. So they would know that there is HOPE. Your child and your family can have hope that attachment can happen even in the direst of situations. I have talked to my girls about sharing this and they have agreed that it is ok. I have only used a letter in place of their names to help with privacy.
I have actually cut this into several parts so bear with me.
Question: Older Child Attachment. . oh yes, that again! The ever present question with adopting older children. Please, give us specific strategies that worked for you in attaching as well as examples of conversations that you may have had with your child that may help others!
Answer: I will try not to make this too long but hopefully through our story (which has been going on for 6 years now), someone else will be helped. I am going to be transparent here because I think it needs to happen. There are too many families out there struggling in the closet." I want to help them and tell them , you are not alone!"
1. First, know that you are not a bad mom or parent.
2. Before leaving your room every morning, get 5-10 minutes alone, pray for God’s love to fill you and/or do something for yourself. Read a chapter in your favorite book or commit a scripture about God being your strong tower to memory.
3. Google Dr. Bryan Post and order his book Beyond Consequences,
Logic and Control. It will help you understand some things
4. Make a list on paper of the things that you see in your child. Such as Fear, Anger,
rebellion, hate etc.
You have then identified tools the enemy is using to keep her from bonding
with you. Whether your child younger or older, these things are very real in her
life. The enemy has strong holds there.
5. Then I want you to take
that list and pray every day for your child, pray that God would break
those strong holds in her life and speak about them individually.
Ask God to pour-His love in her, through you so that she will recognize His
not FEELING that love. It is hard. But you will see that God will
start to do that. It will not be an instant healing but I pray
that God will melt that little heart of hers to come running to you.
"Perfect Love casteth out all fear. That love talked about there is
Jesus. Not any love we can give. Our love is not enough. After so
many mistakes with all my kids, I finally realized the truth to
that. And started seeing my kids change.
Hang in there! Hang on Jesus.
6. Another thing to do if you are not doing it already is to take 30 minutes to an
hour to yourself to recoup and rest. This is a must. If you cannot
refuel, you will die out.
music to play softly through your house. When God is being praised
and worshipped, the enemy cannot work very well! It will change the
atmosphere in your house.
Some good CD's, I recommend are Lenny LeBlanc- All For Love
Misty Edwards- Eternity and Captured
Oaks Worship - Reason I smile
Jessie Goodman Rogers- Out of the Fire