Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Time Goes On

Time goes On

Time Goes On After the Jinja trip the days sort of start running together. So from here on out I will tell you different things that have happened but they may not necessarily be in order. We had planned that we would be leaving on the 17th of Feb. but that did not happen as most of you already know. We were having a hard time getting passports for the kids. Most of our days were spent waiting to get a call or text from the attorney saying, come get your passports. We occupied ourselves with a little routine and hiking up the hill to the guest house for meals. We had many visits with the college students and got to know some of them as the girls dorm is below us. Andrew and Allenni are like two wild mustangs and we have our moments with their behavior. Thank God, I have experience with kids not wanting an adult to be in charge. Ha! So a few days before we were scheduled to leave we had to go to KLM and reschedule the flight for the kids and me. I decided that Jana needed to return home. She had already given up a month for me and needed to return. We were safe and taken care of. At this point I broke down a couple of days and cried my eyes out with disappointment. I didn’t understand God’s plan and had been so certain that we would have those passports to leave. I also was nervous because I didn’t have enough money for a longer stay. To change each of the plane tickets was going to cost me $300. $900 that I didn’t have. So Jana and I prayed for favor and provision. I knew how much money I had here and in the US and the amounts did not add up to what I needed but God kept telling me. Trust me. So in my moments of weakness and disappointments God reminded me again what He had already told me before coming on this trip. “ I am your Father and I will not invite you on a trip and then make you pay for it”. How can you answer to that? He had also told me, “I will go in front of you to pave the way and I will be your rear guard. I am in charge.” At the same time, Duane is going through all the emotions that I am and he later sent me an email expressing it so well that I am going to share in his words how we both were feeling, “All I do know is that I feel like God is placing me into a place where I either am going to simply give it all up into His arms and hands, or I am going to lose my sanity. I have basically quit thinking about finances, I have quit thinking about plans, and I have quit thinking about what I can do to make things better. I am just simply laying down in the floor and waiting. Maybe that is the wrong approach. I am NOT giving up, don't misunderstand me, but I am simply tired of swinging my fists at things I cannot see. I need to obey that vision that God gave me of sitting quietly beside the Lion of Judah and resting in His powerful silence.” Here we are 10,000 miles away from each other and God is teaching us both the same thing! I then let go of all I was holding on to, my disappointments and my agenda and told my Father, “Ok, I am giving it all to you, you do what you need to do. I will trust you”. He gave me a peace and contentment that is hard to describe but I knew He had sent the Holy Spirit to strengthen my inner man and renew me. The verse in Isaiah that we hear all the time became a Rama word to me. “If you wait on I the Lord, I will renew your strength and you will mount up with wings like eagles. You will not be weary and you will walk and not faint.” (paraphrased by me) Because after being here almost a month, I was weary and homesick and felt weak. God also showed me some other things in His word and I released everything to Him. Where else can I go but to the Lord? I am going to caps here because I am holding my sweet baby and typing with one finger. I am not yelling. J ha! ANY WAY, DUANE SENT ME A POEM THAT HE WROTE THAT REALLY ENCOURAGED ME. SO I AM INCLUDING IT HERE. Faith Lord, I am reaching the end of my rope No, in fact I have reached the very end My fingers are numb from holding on so hard My entire being is screaming out, “Let go! Let go because it is not worth this!” What a lie Lord, You are worth EVERYTHING So how can I say that when times are good And not say it when times are not? Lord, You are worth our everything I will build my altar at this place I will worship You and know that YOU ARE GOD I hold on to that rope of faith with all that I have I will not let it go, and If it is taken from me It will be when they pry it from my cold, dead hands kdc 2-21-08 AND ANOTHER ONE Hope When I dwell in the emptiness When I have nothing left in any of my accounts When I have no words left to pray or say When I simply lie down on my face and hear nothing but silence When all my circumstances scream out, “QUIT!!!” When I dwell in the emptiness I have nothing but Jesus And it is right there that I have everything I need nothing else, I need no one else I have Jesus That is hope I have hope kdc 2-21-08 I KNOW THIS ALL WAS A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH ALL THE EMOTIONS AND THINGS GOING ON AND I APOLOGIZE IF I AM BORING YOU BUT I MUST NEEDS WRITE THESE LESSONS DOWN SO I WON’T FORGET WHAT GOD HAS DONE. Caps are gone, Esther took the baby from me! There is an awesome song that comes to my mind that I love that brings all these truths into one phrase. “There is a Fountain, who is a King, Victorious Warrior and Lord of Everything! My Rock, My Shelter, My very own,…… He sits upon the throne! P.S. I have uploaded new pics to http://www.

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