Thursday, December 20, 2012

My Heart Smiles

Last night my heart smiled.

First, I have to give you a little background to this story. 
The day before, I had experienced a rough day. Spiritually I had felt attacked, warding off feelings of hopelessness, low self -worth, sadness, nothingness and self- hatred. I wondered if my kids and family even cared for me or if I was making a difference. I knew it was an enemy attack and so battled it all day with prayer and praise, reminding myself of who God says I am.  I fell asleep that night, praying and thanking God for Jesus and his incredible love for me. I woke up the next morning, incredibly refreshed.

 I had an incredibly busy day planned.  I got most everything I wanted to do accomplished. I had been up early making baked goodie containers for the younger kids' teachers and after getting the kids off to school, I headed to the grocery store to get groceries and buy food for our Christmas Dinner.  Back home a few hours later, I continued getting two dinners put together to take to two families who had just had babies. When the kids got home from school,  Edith, Graham and I had planned to go shopping for the the person whose name they had drawn. ( Since there are so many of us, we draw names for Christmas presents)  Despite their groanings of how much studying and work they had to do since it was finals week, we headed out with me telling them, "the break will be good for you, we won't be gone long."  We delivered the meals and it did my heart good to see my two teens hop out of the car and be eager to help carry food in. Edith was quite amazed that I was doing this. It was a foreign idea to her. I was glad that she was along with me for the deliveries. 

Forty-five minutes later we were off to Target to shop.  That was an experience in itself as neither had any idea what to buy as they had picked Duane and I!  After giving them ideas, I tried to separate from them and go my own way but neither seemed to want to leave my side. Finally, I went off with one and told the other I would find them shortly to help them after they looked around. 
It did my heart good as my teen son was not embarrassed to hug my neck or lock his arm in mine as we wondered around the store. He chit chatted up a storm and turned into a kid when we came upon the toy aisle, complaining loudly, they should have sooooo had these when I was little! 

Later upon finding Edith, she was a little stressed with her shopping, so we found some good deals and got her set up and out the door we headed an hour and half later. 
We decided to go eat sushi and though Edith wasn't a fan, she was game. We laughed and I totally enjoyed my rare one on one time with my two teens. 
But that is not where my heart smiled.

After eating sushi to our hearts content (and Grilled Chicken Teriyaki for Edith). We decided to stop next door and pick up some Little Caesar's Ready to go pizzas to take back home to everybody else. Of course they were hot and Graham being the teen boy that has a never ending appetite, opened up the box to eat a piece!  All the while Edith and I are moaning at how full we are and laughing at how he can still be eating!  
It was then that we saw them. Two people huddled in the middle of the parking lot under a light. They were bundled up and you could tell they were extremely cold.  As we drove closer, I noticed one was an elderly man and the other probably in his 30's. At the same time, all three of us, suggested to each other that we give them a pizza.  We drove up right beside of them, and Graham making sure that he got the pizza that he had not eaten out of, hops out of the car, talks to the guys asking them if they were hungry and if they would like a hot pizza? He gets down to where they are and gives it to them along with money for drinks if they need it.  In the backseat, Edith is trying to figure out how they can get out of the cold. Though I can only see the younger one's eyes, because the rest of his face is wrapped up,  I see them light up and smile and he stretches to see me in the driver's seat. I wave at him wishing him Merry Christmas, praying that he and his friend will be supernaturally kept warm that night.  As we drove off , my heart  overwhelmed with compassion, I heard my two teens talking about how we need to have a family project and get blankets, keeping them in each of our cars to give to people we see out on the street. 

That is when my heart smiled. Grinned actually. 

In those moments, I watched my teens go outside of themselves and care and dream of how to change the world.  Sometimes a mother feels like she is not accomplishing much, or if she really matters to anyone.  To that, I say, yes, we mothers are raising world changers and a seed planted will eventually start to bloom. Continue to call forth those things that you do not immediately see   in your children as though they were. (Romans 4:17)  

Later that night, as I was standing in the kitchen, working, Graham was studying for his finals, amidst listening to some funky music, and he shouts out to me, "Mom, you are amazing!  You know that don't you? You are amazing!"  As I headed to bed, I poked my head into Edith's room saying goodnight and she said, "Mom, I love you. Thank You. "  

Can a mom's heart smile any bigger? 

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