Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Love is Stronger than Death

Some days I sit and wonder how I got to where I am today. Mom to 13 kids. It still throws me off sometimes to even realize that that is my reality. Honestly, there are some days that I think I've bitten off more than I can chew. I don't want to hear the word " Mom " another time. I don't want to solve anyone's problems and I most certainly don't want to chase a runaway teen who has deep wounds in his heart. But Love leaps in and is enough. It's enough to give you grace to go through the hard days. When Duane and I said yes again, to taking in two kids with emotional wounds, we knew what we were getting into. Our flesh screamed NO!!! Don't do it! You Can't do it! but we did it any way because we wanted to choose God's heart. I heard the words, of Misty Edward's song, "I knew what I Was Getting Into and I still loved you. Truth be known, It is not always easy. Over the years, God has held us, taught us, healed us and brought us through hellish days. Yes, the H word. Because that is the only way to describe it. There are days we have made our bed in hell, dealing with the demons that have been thrust upon our kids by other people choices in their lives but Jesus was there. It's comforting and empowering when we know this truth- "He is there." Tonight was one of those nights. Anger, my most hated demon- because it demonstrates and showcases all the fears and lies it wants its victim to believe and It steals joy and connection while being completely irrational - displayed itself coming against my son tonight. Without sharing every detail, my child's fight and flight kicked in tonight over nothing really but nonetheless he was triggered. My heart ached so bad when I couldn't find him. With no coat and no shoes on and a cold, rainy night forecasted, my heart ached for him to be alone. When I finally did find him, he ran again. Then I caught him and with only heavenly strength that came from Jesus was I able to hold him in an embrace while all his rage spewed out on me on the sidewalk of an elementary school. I was exhausted but Jesus wasn't. " I love you" kept coming from my lips hoping that somehow though his ears couldn't hear it, his spirit would. After what seemed a very long time, he broke away, but his brothers were able to catch him again. I was able to hold him again. Still fighting, still believing lies the enemy was feeding him. Praying, God gave me words he needed to hear that surprised even me. Almost immediately, his body started regulating. His anger dissipating. By this time, someone had called police and Duane showed up. He could finally hear our voices. The officer was kind and helpful. I brought him home, telling him we were celebrating that he was home safely. If he wanted it, we saved a cupcake for him. He went to his room and fell asleep almost immediately. I prayed over him, not angry at him but at a force that only wants to destroy him, that wants him to believe he's an orphan with no place to belong. A friend shared a verse with me yesterday, I've not been able to get if off of my mind. "Don’t stealthily move back the boundary lines or cheat orphans out of their property, For they have a powerful Advocate who will take up their cause.”
Proverbs 23:10-11 MSG/NIV
I will not allow the enemy to take away from my son what belongs to him- happiness,love, joy, peace and a family to belong to. He deserves to live life abundantly. I will not tolerate an enemy that wants him to believe he can never be a son again to anyone. Why am I sharing such a moment publicly on FB and my blog? Because there may be someone who needs to hear: in the midst of pain, you can know healing, in the midst of anger, you can know joy. In the midst of fear, you can know Love. Grace and strength from Heaven are there. He is There. Love is stronger than death. Love wins. Keep making deposits into that person. One day, Love will bloom.

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