Love is Stronger than Death

Some days I sit and wonder how I got to where I am today. Mom to 13 kids. It still throws me off sometimes to even realize that that is my reality. Honestly, there are some days that I think I've bitten off more than I can chew. I don't want to hear the word " Mom " another time. I don't want to solve anyone's problems and I most certainly don't want to chase a runaway teen who has deep wounds in his heart. But Love leaps in and is enough. It's enough to give you grace to go through the hard days. When Duane and I said yes again, to taking in two kids with emotional wounds, we knew what we were getting into. Our flesh screamed NO!!! Don't do it! You Can't do it! but we did it any way because we wanted to choose God's heart. I heard the words, of Misty Edward's song, "I knew what I Was Getting Into and I still loved you. Truth be known, It is not always easy. Over the years, God has held us, taught us, healed us and brought us through hellish days. Yes, the H word. Because that is the only way to describe it. There are days we have made our bed in hell, dealing with the demons that have been thrust upon our kids by other people choices in their lives but Jesus was there. It's comforting and empowering when we know this truth- "He is there." Tonight was one of those nights. Anger, my most hated demon- because it demonstrates and showcases all the fears and lies it wants its victim to believe and It steals joy and connection while being completely irrational - displayed itself coming against my son tonight. Without sharing every detail, my child's fight and flight kicked in tonight over nothing really but nonetheless he was triggered. My heart ached so bad when I couldn't find him. With no coat and no shoes on and a cold, rainy night forecasted, my heart ached for him to be alone. When I finally did find him, he ran again. Then I caught him and with only heavenly strength that came from Jesus was I able to hold him in an embrace while all his rage spewed out on me on the sidewalk of an elementary school. I was exhausted but Jesus wasn't. " I love you" kept coming from my lips hoping that somehow though his ears couldn't hear it, his spirit would. After what seemed a very long time, he broke away, but his brothers were able to catch him again. I was able to hold him again. Still fighting, still believing lies the enemy was feeding him. Praying, God gave me words he needed to hear that surprised even me. Almost immediately, his body started regulating. His anger dissipating. By this time, someone had called police and Duane showed up. He could finally hear our voices. The officer was kind and helpful. I brought him home, telling him we were celebrating that he was home safely. If he wanted it, we saved a cupcake for him. He went to his room and fell asleep almost immediately. I prayed over him, not angry at him but at a force that only wants to destroy him, that wants him to believe he's an orphan with no place to belong. A friend shared a verse with me yesterday, I've not been able to get if off of my mind. "Don’t stealthily move back the boundary lines or cheat orphans out of their property, For they have a powerful Advocate who will take up their cause.”
Proverbs 23:10-11 MSG/NIV
I will not allow the enemy to take away from my son what belongs to him- happiness,love, joy, peace and a family to belong to. He deserves to live life abundantly. I will not tolerate an enemy that wants him to believe he can never be a son again to anyone. Why am I sharing such a moment publicly on FB and my blog? Because there may be someone who needs to hear: in the midst of pain, you can know healing, in the midst of anger, you can know joy. In the midst of fear, you can know Love. Grace and strength from Heaven are there. He is There. Love is stronger than death. Love wins. Keep making deposits into that person. One day, Love will bloom.

Our Heavenly Petition

I’m full of lots of lots of thoughts these past few days. This post may be long so you just might want to grab your cup of tea and nice chair to sit in while you read. I’ve a favor to ask but first I must tell you what is on my heart. 

 The journey through adoption can be one of the most emotional journeys one will ever take. We definitely have been through the process numerous times and every time I hope that this time “it just might be easier and straight forward with no glitches, and no stress.” LOL!  Not so! It is such a roller coaster of everything; your emotions, your finances, and your physical being experiences stress. Most of the time, there is no “definite” in the process. There are horrific moments and there are ecstatic moments all along the way. There are busy moments of movement with news reports, appointments and deadlines then comes the silence, the waiting. It can be exhausting mentally, physically, emotionally and even spiritually.  

Adoption certainly grows you, if you let it. On the other hand it can also kill you, if you let it. 

There are many times, when we have felt like we have been thrown at the enemies feet. The one who doesn't want good to happen in the world. The one who is out to destroy hope in others. 

Sometimes it’s as if we can literally feel him laugh and mock us for attempting to save the life of a child. Road blocks get thrown in our way that utterly tempt us to quit. I am often reminded of the travails of Pilgrim in Pilgrim’s Progress as we experience this journey. We run into trouble after trouble but God is always there to help in the most unexpected ways when needed. 

Through this process during and after, we have learned a highly valuable truth. That is nothing ever exhaust Jesus. 

We choose to be the tree planted by the River. He is the River. He calms the storms, he brings the lonely to rest in our haven.  He gives the strength. We cannot do this in and of ourselves. His name is Hope inside of us. His love always finds us. 

I never have doubted that God would provide for us in every capacity when he called us to pursue one of our children.  I always kept Hope like it was a treasure. As a child, I memorized both Hebrews 11 and Romans 8. They came to be my promises when hard moments arose in the adoption process. I love the quote by William Wilberforce - a great man who led the fight  to abolish slavery- “We are too young to realize that certain things are impossible... So we will do them anyway.”  This is our heart and brings us to the favor we need of you. 

As you know, we are in process of adopting a little boy, J.from _______ and our daughter M______ also from ______, who has lived with us for over 2 years now.  We have been pursuing both of their adoptions for over 2 years now.   It has been complicated due to many special and unexpected circumstances. (You can read most of the details on our private FB group- (Just let me know you want to Join)

After a long time when it seemed nothing was happening, we suddenly had pathways opened to go forward in these adoptions. (Some literal miracles have taken place) 

A few weeks ago, we completed our home study and it was taken to our attorney in the country we are adopting from. We have been waiting for a few weeks to hear what is going on with our cases.  We felt confident that guardianships would continue for our adoptions as usual.  We stepped into this totally unprepared financially.  It definitely was a huge step of faith to keep going towards these adoptions even after we committed to being caretakers to two other international teens from a disrupted adoption this past December but we trusted God as we have seen him continuously use various means to provide for each of our past adoptions. He’s always been faithful. 

THE BIG NEWS! 

We found out a couple of days ago that the  government that we are adopting from wants to halt adoptions and we have so many days to get a court date and obtain it.  This seems like an impossibility. But we are believing that with God, Nothing is Impossible. 

Our attorney is working on getting us a court date and hopefully we will know this next week if we got one. 

Suddenly, we have a lot to be done to be prepared for this- plane tickets, lawyer fees, travel expenses, adoption fees.  

I’m getting to the favor need from you but first I need to explain something that has transpired over the last few days, then you will understand the favor. 

Duane has been reading this book and he was so moved by a certain part of it yesterday that he had to share with me. In summary, the author shared about a hard time she had been experiencing and she was just at the end of her strength through the situation that had been happening. Her friend asked her if she had talked to God about it.  She had in a sense been asking God to give her strength to go through the situation but had not asked him to resolve the situation.  Her friend, told her it was ok to write a petition to God about resolving the situation.  Her reasoning was because we are a part of the Kingdom of God, we most certainly can petition God about those things that need resolution.  He is concerned with peace and love existing. It is already his will that these things be done. So she did what her friend told her.  She wrote a letter to God,  signed it and then had her friend sign and for over an hour, they named friends  who they knew would agree and align as allies with them and imagined them signing it as well.   God heard her and Heaven was moved about her situation. Amazingly, it was resolved immediately that same day because it aligned with His purposes.

In the meantime, without knowing he had been reading this, I went on a FB group that I haven’t been to in a while called Creating with God in Life and Business and the admin on there had posted about how she loves to write letters to God as a form of prayer and she posted a prayer and asked others to pray as well and to agree together on it.  This struck me as maybe, I need to just write a letter to God about our kids and share it with others to agree with us on it. 

Duane couldn’t get the story off of his mind and finally shared it with me, I knew immediately  that it was no coincidence that we both had been shown a piece of God’s direction. We were to write a letter of request to Heaven and put it out there for our family and friends and their family and friends & anyone else who agrees with our hearts to sign, like or agree.   We believe Heaven is moved when the collective goodwill of so many is moved. 

Our Petition:

Dear Creator God, 

You have created us in your image, You have covered us in the shadow of your wings, we have invited Christ to live in us and we have chosen to live in Him. As a family, we the Carters, come before you in your Presence.  You have always been where we are whether it has been a high place or a low place. Just like David we have felt the days of Heaven where we have clear vision and have felt you around us, supporting us, aiding us, comforting us. We thank you for that.  We have experienced the days where we have felt as if we had made our bed in hell, wavering in our faith, almost losing hope but you would be there keeping us, holding us,  hiding us, loving us. We thank you for that. 

 You have put our family together in the most amazing ways. We still stand amazed at the ways you worked in our lives, at the ways you brought each of our children to us. We fill with emotion at the ways you provided for us and the ways that you healed our hearts and our kids’ hearts and are continuing to do so.  We stand speechless in worship at the ways you returned hope back to our children and ourselves. We lift our highest praise to you. 

Because we know that these problems we are experiencing concerning the completion of your heart’s desire to set the lonely in families, to call our sons and daughters from afar and to not leave the children as orphans, are not your will, we ask you to mightily intervene on our behalf.  Our family longs to bring J. home and be his family. Our family longs for M. to have finalization in her place in our family. 

It appears that certain govt. officials in this beautiful  country are being influenced by those who do not have your interest at heart.  These are people interrupting a beautiful thing you  created- family. They are to stopping adoptions.  They think they have won by denying children a permanent family.  We ask you to intervene on our kids’ and others behalf in this adoption process.  

We long for our kids to be home with us. We know you care about the outcome. We know you will not accept our “yes” to you and deny its fulfillment.  You have always been faithful. We remember and have seen you intervene in the past when we were told that our daughters could never leave Romania, that adoptions were indefinitely halted. We have watched you move mountains. We are deeply grateful. Our faith is strong because you have proven faithful to us.  

We ask that you release everything we need to complete these adoptions. Whether it be yeses, signatures, paperwork, finances or favor. Just as the Egyptians threw their wealth at the Hebrews,  and freed them with favor, we ask that you once again cause extravagance given to our cause. 

 We know you also want our kids to live in a safe place, in a place we call home. We ask that our house be given to us in a simplistic way. We ask for favor and for provision, for creativity to flow through our home.  

We thank you for these amazing miracles we are about to see. We are excited that we will be officially able to call J. a son and that never again will he be called an orphan.  We are excited that M. will get to add the last name Carter to her name and officially be our daughter.  

God, because Heaven’s heart is moved when there is a “cloud of witnesses, we are inviting others to join and partner with us in agreement that our son will come home, and our daughter will officially be ours with no worries as to how it will be paid for or how it will happen. Thank you. We love you. You are worthy of our praise. 

Lovingly we sign with our hearts, 

Melissa, Duane, Graham, Andrew, Stephen, Derick, Allenni, Eli, Isaiah and Maria 

THE FAVOR we ask of you:

This may seem a little outside the box. A different way of doing things. We have friends all over  the world and we have been calling out people’s names who we know will stand with us. Our kids all stood with us for their sister and new brother, calling our people who they thought would also agree to having a child be released into our family.  

If you agree with what we are going after for our family and you want to be our “cloud of witnesses” will you sign your name in the comments or agree verbally as a prayer for us? Will you share with people who you know would agree with us in this? It is a spiritual petition. There is no commitment of anything but to feel in your heart and say with your lips that you agree that our children should be freed. Spoken words are very powerful.  We know Heaven will be delighted when it hears the voices of all of those who all gathered in unity to over the one and in our case the two.  It inadvertently will affect many more. We so appreciate you and your partnership with us. We are excited about what God is doing! Much love, Melissa and Duane and kids

I Found Supporting Documents

Post #41 There times like these I'm thankful that "I didn't throw it away". I found the KLM itineraries of the flights from 2008 that three of my Ugandan kids were supposed to be on and of course I had the approval letters from them to refund. Here's hoping! 

PAPERS PAPERS

Post #31 

The piles of paper seem to be growing for this adoption home study- aghhhhhhh!  And i bet it is only going to get larger from here. 

Family Moment

To many, this photo may not look like much. Just a bunch of teens goofing off. But to me, it is a reward. It is fruit that my heart has longed to see. It is something I'm even delightfully surprised to see with my two newest sons as they have only been with us a short time. Tonight was a glimpse of what has been happening in their hearts. These kids are not acting as orphans anymore, they are becoming sons and daughters. I'm finding it hard to write the words to describe what is happening here so forgive me as I stumble to portray this beautiful moment. I guess I could say that these kids stepped into "belonging" tonight and what they found as they plopped onto our bed with us, telling stories, laughing, and sharing a few things, was FAMILY. My heart is full. Just overflowing. My kids are home.‪#‎carterunitednations‬ ‪#‎itshardbutworthit‬

The Piles of Papers Keep Growing!!!

Post #31 The piles of paper seem to be growing for this adoption home study- aghhhhhhh! . ‪#‎carterunitednations‬ ‪#‎itshardbutworthit‬

Loved 12-10-15

Post #25  12-10-15
This post is not exactly about our current adoption but it is about adoption nonetheless and the bonding of a child who I would have loved to have birthed. I posted it on my FB page but thought I would share it here. Though I did not bring him into our family through birth, my heart and my mind forgets that minor detail. I feel like I KNOW him, that he knows me.

I wrote this this past Sunday 12-6-15 -
The music floats through the air, the lyrics ringing true to the heart -
"Jesus you have won me, you have broken every chain with love and mercy"
This morning as worship started, sitting in our seats, Isaiah grabbed me, pulling me close, putting my head on his chest. How can I resist this moment of tenderness and love being offered so I follow his lead. Stroking my hair, giving me kisses, he speaks in whispers that can only be understood by angels in heaven, he prays over his mama. The love I am overwhelmed with is enormous. This feeling of being loved in a very deep way is unspeakable. It is my reward. This child, left for dead, has been resurrected. Love and Mercy. It breaks every chain. Jesus won his heart, I've won his heart. He's had mine before I ever laid eyes on him. I am blessed. I am his mother.

Gladiator post #12 4-26-2015

POST #12 July 26, 2015 

Standing in worship this morning, I met God, I felt his heart and his Love. Many times, while in that place of peace and refilling, my mind becomes clear and focused. Things that are on my heart, get felt by God and he gives me words of love and courage. He reminds me that he IS. 

Sometimes, I soak it in and sometimes I feel the need to write. I wrote this down. Usually it hits home with another person as I know God uses each of us to lift the other. So this is what I felt this morning.

"There's something about stepping into the adoption process that thrusts you into this big arena of faith!
I picture myself as a Gladiator contending for the promise of another. The promise of a family. The promise of no longer being lonely but being set into a family. (Ps.68:6) In this arena, we are going up against the fury of death and destruction. The circumstances at times look dreary and harsh. I know having traveled this road before that there may times that look hopeless and I may start to fear loss. But through it all, I know that I am fearless, because I know Love wins. I cannot walk out of this arena a loser. There is another I am fighting for. 

Maria wrote this the other day on our driveway. 

Duane took a photo of it. It says, "Nothing can stop me from God's Love"

When I think how He loves that little child, my heart bursts with that same love. A Love way beyond me. beyond my capacity. A Love that is more powerful than death. A Love that is backed by all of the forces of heaven. A Love that carries hope and joy. A Love that brings life and restores. So here I go. I am ready. Open the gates. I will contend. I will persevere for the one. Oh, how he loves them! Oh how he loves us! And for that reason no power of hell can stop me. Who can stand against us, if God be for us! (Romans 8) The champion of heaven is fighting for us.  He's made a way for a child to enter in to a family where forever resides. He makes me brave! "

Adoption Updates

I am still posting what I can from the FB group here.
Here is what is happening lately.

UPDATE #11 July 25,2015
I spent a good part of the day, filling out applications- One for the home study agency, and one for Homeland Security to immigrate Little J to the States.  The good news is that we do not have to immigrate M. into the states. That saves a lot of money and time.  I paid some fees. Gasped at some other fees that are coming up and wrote emails and texts asking for letters of reference. 
I went through documents to see if I already have some marriage certificate and birth certificate copies and found some but don't have enough so I will have to order those from vital statistics. I also got an email from the adoption agency director who was able to talk to my friend who runs the baby house. 
Later in the morning, my older son, Ben called and asked if he could come get the kids and take them to a movie. I thought that was an awesome idea! The house was quiet for a couple of hours and I actually experienced some complete thoughts, totally uninterrupted! LOL! and I got to spend some time with my man in the pool. 

I really can't believe all this is happening! After two years of barely any movement on either adoption, we seem to be now moving at a fast pace. There are tons of paperwork to gather and notarize, visits to be made by the social worker, and lots to do around the house. We realized we have no working fire alarms, or fire extinguishers. Two musts if you are adopting. We are trusting God for the finances to be there when they are needed. The agency still hasn't given us a price yet, but in reality, it doesn't matter, LOL! we have already jumped off this cliff. We are expecting to fly!

Here We Go Again! Adoption Journeys 11 and 12!

Just when we are getting down to 5 kids at home, God is increasing our family size! LOL! We have not done a home study in about 7 years so I feel like a complete newbie! We have to start over from scratch as we are living in a new state  and an updated home study just won't work. 

HOW IT BEGAN

In July, two years ago, we suddenly had V brought to our home from a disrupted African adoption. (You can read the story HERE.) Within a couple of days we knew she was to be ours. Complications with state policies involving her final adoption has also prevented us from giving her the Carter name. It has been frustrating and disappointing to say the least.

Also, two years ago in May, I met a little boy, J while teaching at a women's conference in AFRICA, and we decided to pursue his adoption but so many roadblocks these past two years have prevented it from happening. We released him to God and decided to move on. 
( You can read more HERE) 

We are creating a  private Facebook group because there has been breakthrough for both children! We are so excited that God is doing some impossible things to allow us to be family to these two wonderful children. We have to keep the details of V's and J's process low key and where as I have always blogged publicly about our past adoptions, we need to do this one a little more privately.  I will put generalistic posts here on this blog but no details of our journey experiences. 

I assure you, we have always had adventurous adoptions and will need prayer and encouragement support from family , friends and the adoption community. smile emoticon

If you want to be part of this group, please FACEBOOK friend request me at  Melissa Ammons Carter and PM me to let me know you want to be added to the Secret Group.  I cannot add you to the group if you are not a FB friend. 

Blessings and Love, Melissa and Duane

Easter GRACE 2015

Let's get real! I am not a calm person. Everything I do is with intensity. From talking, to keeping after kids, to administrating our large family, to projects that are being conquered.  
I use my hands, when I talk, I talk a lot to get a point across, my voice can get serious and intense.  Truth be told,  I am not mad (even if I am perceived as that by my children.) BUT,  I can get really frustrated if things don't go as planned or as they are supposed to when others don't do their part. 

I WANT to be a calm person, and I worked really hard at it for some time but then I was asked by a friend, "who are you trying to be? That is not who God made you to be- calm and serene. Just be you."

The real me wants to laugh, goof off, not correct others, not repeat myself 300 TIMES! Have fun and NOT SEE EVERY THING THAT HAS TO BE DONE around here!  I get tired quiet often but there is no time to stop, I am a night owl and love the serene quiet at night when everyone is in bed. I can think uninterrupted thoughts. I can enjoy the stillness.  Our family is my normal, no changing that. Everyday is stress - full! 

 Being honest here. I day dream. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to NOT have a zillion children.  What would life be like with only 1 child being a 1st born instead of 6 of them? What would it be like even to have children who are related with similar personalities? But let's get real! My kids are from different cultures,  all want to boss the other around,  take delight in another's demise and most are still living in survival mode because of their lack of family at an early age.  And an emotional emergency could rear its head at any moment in our daily life.  What would my ideal life be like?  I could think of all kinds of scenarios that would be dreamy and boring but in reality, my life would be unfulfilled as well. 

Just for the record, Yes, there are plenty of days that I do have major self control when I just want to go off the deep end at people (aka family members) after I have asked CALMLY several times to take care of an issue. Or After I have said no for the 1000th time to a movie or video game OR when one child just won't stop talking and picking fights with others. When teenage boys back talk Mama, or treat me as if I am dumb. :) 
But I am thankful for those days- most of them really-  that GRACE is issued to me from Heaven by the dump truck load. I'm serious. I think would go off the handle a lot more if Jesus wasn't nearby! I sense his Presence daily as he quietly nudges me to stay on track. 

Why Am I spilling my guts to you on this worldwide Blog? Because, I am not perfect and my deepest desire is be a person and a mom remembered for her furious caring and love. Maybe there is another foster or adoptive mom who is learning to ask for GRACE when there is a great need. 

Which brings me to Easter 2015. It did NOT go as planned. 

Today actually didn't start out to be a rough day. It began quiet well. I got up early, got the Ham in the oven, made the bread dough for rolls and made the potato salad and prepped other things for lunch. We had an Easter Egg hunt planned and the kids had dyed the eggs the day before. 
With 20 minutes left to get ready for church, I had already warned the kids to be on time, because with Easter, everyone comes to church and we wanted to get a seat and get the littles checked in. Duane was headed to the office as it was his call day, so church isn't an option for him and anytime I go to church without him, it is a little more hectic. Soooo, I'm done and am rushing kids out the door to get in the van. As I walk outside, one younger kid is screaming at an older child and chasing him down the driveway, holding his back in pain. Come to find out this older child, forcefully took a ball away, and the younger child got mad and lashed out, then the older child hit the younger one in the back. Let's just say that that did not make this mama happy at all. So older child got a lashing from me. (A portion of self- control lost) but only after 14 year old gets cocky in my face. 
So after this, We only had 10 minutes to get to church. On EASTER SUNDAY!  I screeched out of the driveway in our 15 passenger van when intense anger just engulfed me. NOT GOOD. NOPE. NOT GOOD AT ALL. It was like a tidal wave of yuck just washed over me.  What was I angry at? Lots of things. Older kids bullying much younger kids. Really wanting to go to church and having a great Sunday. Me. Not staying calm. Soooooo, I screeched right around into our second driveway and parked the van. ( No worries, I was aware of their safety)  No sense in going to church this late. I ordered everyone into the living room and here it came. All the rolled eyes and sighs. 
The dreaded family meeting. 
But it had to be done. I sat on the couch and just announced. "I AM ANGRY. I'm just letting you know. " The kids agreed that they had figured that out. 
So I sat on the couch, silent, letting God get my anger under control, so I could talk rationally.  He did. And then I began expressing my concerns.   Forgiveness was spoken about, some expectations were laid out, and misunderstandings were cleared up and each person listed 1-2 things they would work on about themselves to contribute to the family and honor others.  The meeting ended in everyone goofing off and laughing. Then my 18 year old put on some fun music to dance to and a dance party broke out for about 15 minutes.  
I continued cooking lunch with my two littles and Duane came home from rounds at the hospital just about the time that Ben called saying they were releasing him from the hospital. Sigh! 

Timing was not good. Duane can't go get him because he can only be within a certain distance from the hospital in Red Bluff when on call. Ben's hospital is in Redding.  After digging for info, I find out Ben is not quite ready, so I tell him that I will call after lunch to check on him to see about when to come get him. 

We finished Easter Dinner and I called Ben.  He assured me he was ready to go as soon as I got there also reminding me what this room number was. (Well, since I've been there several times, I should know. ) LOL! - Never mind. 
I headed out the door with half of my kids screaming, " I want to go!" I left them behind and took Allenni, because she is the most sane at that moment in time and I needed some sanity for the 8 minute drive to the hospital. :) 
We arrived to Ben's room only to find NO Ben!  A nurse from across the hall who was chit chatting with a patient, yelled across the hall,  and asked us if we needed help. He informed us that Ben went to take a shower down the hall. Grrr...... So we wait on him for about 15 minutes. I'm anxious to get home because the littles want to do an Easter egg hunt. 
Finally, we get going and get to my car where Ben tells me we have to go to a certain pharmacy to get his meds and he also has to go to his apt. to get his dirty clothes to be washed etc.... Grrrrr. I DO NOT remain calm. I am frustrated. But GRACE enters in and I shift.  
The pharmacy lets us know that it is going to be 15 minutes so I head to Ben's apt. and he has to make 3 trips before he remembers what he needs to get to stay at our house.  I offer to help, but he doesn't want me coming up to his apt. (good thing as he lives with 2 other guys. ) I wasn't really interested anyway.  :) 
Done, we headed back to the pharmacy and Ben informs me we made it in 14 minutes. (Welcome to living in the world of OCD, where everything is timed. ) So we sit at drivethru for 1 minute before I push the call button. ( Not really, I actually did not realize I needed to do that, until no one showed up for a few minutes and I saw the Huge Yellow CALL button that said push for service. ) 

My son tells me his medicine is for free so he shouldnt have to pay for anything since it was what they were giving him in the hospital and it is all covered from there and he had a paper proving it.
 I was a little suspicious and after reading his " paper," I disagreed with him. He had to pay alright. The pharmacy applied a discount but his meds were still quite high even after that. I guess you had to be there, to feel that stress. :) LOL! 

We headed home to find my lavender oil on a chair on the carport, and Isaiah with blood on his shirt and Violetti and Isaiah excitingly telling me this story that I can't quite grasp  the understanding of that included licking toes and scissors and a cut tongue.  Needless to say, one child aggravated another, the other had no patience and nipped the tongue with scissors.  YES, this is my loving family! 
Of course, all was forgiven when after realizing what was done, the scissor offender grabbed the Lavender essential oil and applied it to the tongue (all in my absence) and the bleeding stopped and the tongue actually looked rather nice like nothing had happened by the time I got to see it. I talked to the them both about the seriousness of what happened and that licking toes is unappreciated and how  snipping someone's tongue does not help anything. 

I was thankful that I did not have to return to the hospital again! AGAIN, I did not remain calm. I was intense. Not loud. Just intense. I was also thanking God for the MANY angels he has around here and that it was only a pinch on the child's tongue. 
Both kids were sent to time alone for 10 minutes, more for me to gather myself, while the 4 older children were found to be in their room engaged in video war with each other, totally unaware of  what had happened with the littles while I was gone. SIGH.  
After all this, No one knew that dad had returned home from his rounds at the hospital,  but as I walked in, He was headed out to go see a baby at the hospital. 
There went the Easter Egg Hunt!   I am in no state of mind to do it alone, which sends at least one kid into wailing mode. After promising him to do it another day, he quietens down and is happy after I offered him a movie on the ipad. 

I sat down to check email, even though I wanted to watch a movie on my computer to chill out for awhile but I ended up writing this blog instead. :) 

I may be throwing myself under the bus with this blog, but hey in reality, life gets hectic when you have a bunch of kids from various backgrounds with deep emotional wounds and a mom who wants a happily ever after deal. LOL! 
It is not always a pretty picture as much as I would love it to be. I am actually an idealist, which may be part of my problem of wanting things to work out beautifully. I am an introvert, which may also contribute to be part of my problem as I refill with solitude and quiet. But on this journey of life, I learn (almost every day) that messes can be beautiful when God is around. I love my kids and I know they are learning to love themselves. They are learning what it is like to transition from an orphan mindset to a son/daughter mindset. It is not easy. It's messy, but it is beautiful. It is what Jesus' death and resurrection are about really. Jesus betrayal, death and resurrection were dreadfully messy but in the end everlastingly beautiful.  I'll take my "normal" life. 

After the Family Meeting- Everyone was smiles again

They wanted to do a crazy pic

SPRING IS COMING!!! A CRAMMED UPDATE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING!

PRE BLOG UPDATE: I'm out of sync at blogging as I haven't done it for a very long time. FB has made it so easy to pop photos on there, say a line or two and move on. I want to get back to this form of documenting our family ups and downs and well, as you will read below, life has been full. There has been utter chaos and disorder as well as triumphs and joys in our family these last few years since moving to CA. We have loved living here  and have no regrets but it has come with a price of  loss and hard times. Since moving here, we took in 4 kids from disruptions, two of which we claimed as our own and two of which we were their healing home for several months til a permanent family was found. Those 4 kids really grew us and tested us in our transition here. :)                                        
In addition to our own family we have had several people live with us on and off these past 4 years. One of our joys is hosting visitors to our church who come from all over the world, but even in the last six months we have not felt to host anyone as we have been tending to our family.  We have moved twice- which is hard after owning your own home for many years. We lost our dream home in Alabama that we were renting out for a vacation rental, lost a significant part of our monthly income moving out here, and cost of living was higher , went through a  harsh bankruptcy and lost connection with two of our daughters as they decided to figure out life on their own without us as their family. Missing family has been hard as well.  The list could go on, but in the end we have no regrets. We still have our head raised and are finally finding community here in Redding.  I have started two businesses and teach a course for an organization named Idignify which advocates for trafficked victims. Duane is on the board of directors at his Medical Group, is STILL a fabulous and much sought after Pediatrician, works in the healing rooms at our church and works with me on my businesses.  In a nutshell, this has been our life! LOL! Forever interesting and moving!

My little man Isaiah "Suffered" through the  concert. but later told me, Thanks mom, for taking me! 

This beauty, Allenni is my gardener and all around pretty cool person

My man, Duane is rockin that cool shirt! 

I "made" them all dress up! Violetti, Andrew, Graham, and Nathaniel- who missed the memo- Ended up enjoying it afterall! Eli is missing in the pic. 

The musicians - Swan Lake

NOW TO THE ACTUAL BLOG:
Well, a full life with 7 kids still at home does not leave you with much time to pursue gardening, doing extra things etc. That is if you let it consume you. Which is what has been happening for a long time now. We have been consumed with living day to day sorta in survival mode.  Duane and I finally realized, We want better for all of us. So we have started making CHANGES.

Sometimes, living with kids with trauma/abandonment/ backgrounds and sometimes mental instability calls for you to be on the alert just about all hours of the day. It can literally drain the positive energy out of you. Duane and I have been on journey lately to move out of that mode and start living again. We've been taking steps towards our health in all areas of our lives- spiritual, mental, physical and emotional.

Using Essential Oils daily in all our lives has brought great healing both emotionally and physically for all of us. I am so glad we discovered them a couple years ago. I have no clue how we managed before then!

Another thing we have been focusing on is eating healthier. I typically cook from scratch or so I thought , then after an evaluation of our pantry, I realized we were eating way too many preservatives.  So I have been thoughtfully planning our meals to be healthier.

Now, I didn't go all crazy and go cold Turkey. I would have had a mutiny on my hands! This has been a gradual change. We started everyone on Juice Plus and wow! What a difference it has made. We went from consuming 50 lbs of sugar a month to now buying only 10 lbs in 3 months. Our kids now crave smoothies and fresh fruits for snacks. We no longer buy koolaid.  LOL! I hear the angels singing! Miracle sighting!

This may not seem like a big deal, but in our house we had sugar addicts. Myself included. It was a stress thing. Sugar makes you feel better. It does. Or used to. Not any more. My kids are making smart choices on their own now and I know we did the right thing. :) Even though I had to endure the  moaning and groaning and sneaking of 32 oz Mountain dews from the convenience store down the street. We are a work still in progress.

In my ideal world, I would love to bake all our own bread and make EVERYTHING from scratch down to the last bit. BUT IT IS NOT POSSIBLE. As much as I love to cook, preparing food for 20 servings 3 x a day, just is not what I want to do. I have kids to tend to and art to paint and businesses to attend to! Oh if there were more of me to do several things at once!

So anyway, Back to our busy life that does not leave time for me to be Martha Stewart. :)
Because our group is 10 people whenever we go somewhere, it can be costly to do stuff.  We decided to try to fit things in our budget where we could.
We started trying to put a little money aside for special spontaneous trips to the Yogurt shop or Starbucks- Making little joy moments and memories.  We have taken short trips to see things like Disney on Ice for the younger ones and weekend trips to the beach or expose them to the Symphony Orchestra or local plays.  
At home, we have been trying to have more family movie nights and go on more picnics.
 Yes, last year, we did have a small garden. I said I wasn't going to have anything to do with it but a few kids convinced me to fork out the money for the shovels, seeds, extra dirt, planters etc.

AND  guess what? I did get involved and it actually became a bonding project for my daughter and I. She did do most of the work and found her green thumb. I was proud of her harvest.

This year though we may forgo that dirt gardening.  They NOW want to go bigger and better.
My energy level is low and the thought of a larger garden does not enthuse me.
 So I compromised and bought a JUICE PLUS TOWER GARDEN and now we already have harvested some lettuce from it! We started it indoors but after it began to warm up we moved it outside. I am looking forward to the nutritious dense veggies it is going to produce. I think we are going to order 3 more of them.  The great thing about it is that it is EASY! Once a week, I have to add the all natural nutrients in the basin , add water if it needs it and my plants grow aeorponically!
The kids love it and so I am thinking I can talk them completely out of the dirt gardening. We will see!
BTW, I love my Tower Garden so well that I just can't shut up about it. I am having a FB party on March 6 to tell you about it.  Here is the link to JOIN THE PARTY. 

Everyone is happy that our Tower Garden has plants in it! 

Goofing off! we are so excited! 

Allenni and Eli helping to put together the dolly for our Tower Garden

Our first pickings from our Tower Garden! 

We are getting our Backyard ready for outdoor living! 

Fresh Spring Rolls we made using our fresh basil and Lettuce from our Tower Garden

Our Tower garden arrived and we are excited! 

Our Friends are Adopting AGAIN!!!!! What You Can do To Help!

An incredible family, Morgan and Chanel, has been found for our 2 sweet girls from Africa that we have been an interim/emotional healing home for these last few months!

 The Best Part is, is that the family is our good friends and they are incredible parents. We couldn't be more excited as we get to remain in their lives! Unfortunately, the cost for the adoption even in the States is $10,000. And most of it is needed next week. Duane and I love this family and their hearts. We know Heaven loves this family too! If you feel like you want to give to this adoption. Here is a link. I will get the money to them.  If my friends would donate $1-$5 each, it will be amazing! Every one that donates $1-$24, will be entered into a drawing to receive a pack of 10 note cards featuring various paintings of mine. There will be 2 drawings for this.  Everyone that donates $25 plus, will be entered into a drawing for a 16x20 giclee signed print of my painting, "INNER STRENGTH". 

Here is a a link to donate: SEND SOME LOVE TO MORGAN AND CHANEL

Here is a little blurb from Morgan and Chanel : 
"Chanel and I are about to go on an adventure that we knew would one day come but did not anticipate so soon. Ever since we heard about failed international adoptions and the massive problem it can become with adoptive parents literally finding strangers on craigs list and handing their adopted child to them with no questions asked we knew it was part of our future. Recently two sisters originally from Ghana have crossed our path and we have fallen in love with them. They need a family to give them the love, hope and future they deserve. We want to be that family!!! We have been approved to make them part of our family and it needs to happen pretty quickly. The process is going to cost about $10,000 with about $7000 of that in about the next week. That is scary but we serve a scary awesome God if any of you would like to sow into this adoption it would be amazing!!! I know we are crazy but hey crazy is the only way I know to live life!!"

NATURAL/SUPERNATURAL Emotional Healing of the Adopted/Foster Child- #1 series "Shifting Atmospheres"

I'm a mom to 12 kids- 10 adopted,1 bio and 1 on the way and two others currently live with us until a permanent home is found for them.  I will be teaching how to practically love your children back to emotional health through healing prayers, essential oils, nutrition and shifting the spiritual atmosphere of your home. Though you may not fully know the traumas your child has experienced in their past you can still nurture a healing atmosphere so they can become who they really are and who they were destined to be.   By Applying these practical spiritual and Natural tools into your daily life, healing will begin. 

This is a series so Class #1 will be about 

"Shifting Atmospheres"

           Thursday, AUGUST 14, 2014 , 4:30pm - 5:30pm

FREE CLASS REGISTRATION:

 http://www.anymeeting.com/PIID=EA58DA87864730

Class will be recorded so register even if you can't attend live.

Healing of a Child

July 9,2014, 
 As most of you know, We have two new additions to our family that we took in as a healing/transient home from a disrupted adoption through a private situation until another family is found for them that were adopted internationally. Needless to say there is some reactive attachment disorder resulting from past traumas, malnourishment in Africa, abandonment rejection etc. 
The littlest has intense anger all deep inside and it just oozes. She is such a beauty inside and out and the enemy is trying to ruin her identity. That does NOT sit well with me. God has been so gracious in loving her. 
Its been intense but there is this beautiful peace that rest on us as we love this mad out of her. Yesterday and today we had some major breakthrough. I'll share a little bit. 

We had some break through tonight with the little one and her fear of going to bed. When asked why she was afraid to go to bed, She started telling us as well as she could about some bad experiences with going to bed at night time. Thankfully, I followed the Holy Spirits leading before she got here and got her a big bed instead of a crib or toddler bed. 

Tonight we symbolically took that fearful event and threw it to Jesus who then took it to the garbage never to be seen again! The look of happiness and joy on her face was awesome! She grabbed my neck and hugged me like there was no tomorrow. I know it sounds cliche but I felt like God wanted me to tell her she was smart, she was kind and she was important. She just beamed! Earlier today, she was standing by me drawing on a table while I was printing something from the computer and we had some worship music playing -either Kim Walker or Misty Edwards and all of a sudden, she threw her hands up and closed her eyes in worship. It was so sudden and beautiful as this tiny 4 year old sensed God and just had to raise her hands for those 20-30 seconds and then she was back to drawing. God is so faithful in healing wounded hearts!